“I DON’T KNOW HOW TO SLOW DOWN” – MY HARSH TRUTH.

I once read a book that was called

“Every time I find the meaning of life, they change it”

more like,

“Every time I figure out how to balance everything, life-throws-a-big-fat-ball-at-my-face-making-me-trip-over-so-damn-hard-my-“balanced”-life-goes-flying-everywhere- and-i-am-left-on-my-ass-thinking-w-t-f-mate.”

It probably wouldn’t be accepted as a book title. But if it was, SHOTTY.

Life is hard and I don’t think it’s meant to be easy. And with reference to my wishful thinking book title, I believe that whenever think you’ve got it all figured out, Life throws a curve ball so direct that it knocks you completely off your feet and leaves you feeling as though you never had it figured out in the first place. Which is not true. You DID have it all figured out. But like climbing a ladder – just because you’ve gone up one rung, doesn’t mean you’ve made it all the way up to the top. 

Most recently I had a big old curve ball hit me super hard in the “I got this all sorted” section of my face. And it came in the form of a breakfast meet up with my boyfriends dad.

Anyone who knows me personally would know that I live life at 100 miles per hour and reside mostly (almost completely) in the fast lane. Most people love that I am so “quick and efficient” and yes, it is a blessing! but it’s also a curse.

Here’s my harsh truth…

I don’t know how to switch off, I don’t know how to SLOW the hell DOWN.

When I get stressed and overwhelmed my first thought is “I can’t keep up with the world, I’m not moving quick enough!” And this thought pattern repeats over and over again. So off I go with my text book brain and I try to calm myself by saying “It’s okay Cat, just be faster, enjoy the feeling, be grateful for all you have etc etc etc” and it works for maybe a day, maybe a week, and then it all starts again – the panic, the “can’t keep up” thought.

The other day we had breakfast with Dave’s dad who is a total guru and so knowledgeable that sometimes it gets me real good. He said to me (and forgive me for the gross reference here) “trying to stay positive with life when you’re feeling overwhelmed, is like willing yourself to stop diarrhoea” 
The concept threw me so hard (“What do you MEAN I can’t control everything in my life!!!!” – Cat’s ego) He then asked me (and I will paraphrase because he is so ridiculously intelligent that I could never quote him directly without writing a whole new blog)

“Stop seeing everything as separate, and see it all as one. If life feels like it’s moving too fast, then what do you need to do?”

The answer was so freaking simple that I almost didn’t want to say it.

“Slow down”

Ahhhh… the old SLOW DOWN.

But I can’t slow down! If I slow down I can’t keep up and if I can’t keep up then everything won’t be balanced! But he’s is so right…

I spend so much of my time seeing everything separate. My work life, my love life, my family life, my friend life, my hobby life, my me time life. And I spend so much time trying to fit it all in and make time for it all that of course it doesn’t work. I can’t squeeze everything in without getting overwhelmed! But if I stopped separating everything and started seeing everything as one, life would become so much simpler.

I need to stop trying to make the world around me slow down and instead focus on making ME slow down. And once I slow down, everything else will too. My reality is my own making, my own thoughts, my own conciseness. YOUR reality is your own making , your own thoughts, your own conciseness.

So, if you feel like everything is too much and you can’t balance it all. What do you need to do?

Don’t want to answer it cause you almost hate it right?

… slow down.

And you know what I have realised? Most of the time we refuse to slow down and we offer up thousands of excuses as to why we don’t have the time to make the time because the underlying emotion that makes us resist is the horrible and gut-residing emotion, our not-so-friendly friend… Guilt.

EXAMPLES OF GUILT

Parent Guilt – “My kids and husband/wife need me and the house can’t run without me so I should be making more time for them than I should for myself!”
Work Guilt – “If my boss or fellow co workers see me relaxing on social media they are going to think I am lazy!”
Friend Guilt – “If I cancel going out for dinner so that I can just have a night at home my friends are going to think that I am a bad friend!”
Partner Guilt – “If I don’t cook them a really nice meal or do the washing while it’s a really sunny day and instead go and do my nails they are going to think I am selfish!”

Stuff the guilt!!! Let the guilt go!!!! If you’re not making time for yourself and 100% happy with how you are feeling then what kind of Parent, Employee, Friend etc are you really going to be? Will you really be the best version of yourself? And also remember this works in reverse too. Stop putting guilt on others! Your friend cancels on you cause they just need a night on their own? GOOD ON THEM FOR LOOKING AFTER THEMSELVES! Your boss takes a vacation even though you would desperately love to go on one too? GO GET EM BOSS! Your partner goes out for beers with the boys leaving you at home to cook and clean? GIRL YOU GIVE HIM THE SILENT TREATMENT TILL HE BEGS… kidding  Let him do his thing and then kindly remind him the following day that it’s his turn to cook, and clean, and do the washing, and…

Here’s what I do to slow down & what you can do to.

1. Take yourself out to a coffee shop

Even if it’s for like 5 minutes. Don’t get take away. SIT! And enjoy the time to stop. If you say you don’t have time, well that’s exactly when you know that you need to MAKE the time. Waking up 10 minutes earlier to get to work a little earlier will leave you feeling like you have had an extra hour in your day and then in consequence, your work day will feel all the better. Meaning – you are happier!

2. Get in the kitchen and bake!

Seriously, get in the kitchen and bake something. Compared to other methods of cooking, baking is one where time and patience are needed the most, meaning – you slow down! Also baking usually means you’re working with something sweet so if that smell doesn’t make your serotonin levels go off the chain then I don’t know what will. There are loads of healthy options and recipes these days so get into it (you could make my Banana Bread! Hint hint)

3. Read a book/magazine/blog/poems

Reading requires concentration and quite literally makes you slow down. If you’re not vibing a new book grab a few magazines. My fav go-to’s are…
Well-being
Peppermint
Breathe

4. Go to the beach

It’s a fact that being near water can calm you almost instantly. If you live near the beach like I do then you’re super lucky to have such easy access, if you don’t, then this one is a little hard to practice during the week, unless you drive past a beach on the way home from work or make the time on the weekend. But honestly, the smell of salt, the sounds of the waves. It’s enough.

5. Make yourself a little DVD date night at home

Seriously, go grab your favourite DVD or that new release that you “didn’t have time to go and watch in the cinema” and get some Popcorn, Organic chocolate (Loving earth & Pana yo!) Nuts or your freshly baked Banana bread loaf that you just whipped up (see what I did there?) and make yourself a tea or pour yourself a glass of wine and relax.

The idea of putting yourself first & slowing down takes a lot of practice. It may come easier to some than others and that’s okay! Life is all about learning and growing. So if it’s all going too fast and you feel like you can’t keep up, simply…

slow down.

Beware of anything that looks perfect

When I was younger I was obsessed with a game called ‘The Sims’. 

I knew all the cheats. My favourite was one that would let me have infinite money, that way I could create and furnish the house of my dreams! How easy and appealing! My young mind was so easily sucked in!! Could life really be this easy?! It would take my sim no longer than a night to be a qualified doctor, I could cook a meal in 5 seconds, literally fast forward through my day and could easily land a lover with a sentence made up entirely of gibberish… no but seriously, as long as I pressed “compliment” enough and those green plus signs popped up in the doubles I knew that ish was ON.

I remember how much it altered my brain when I would play it, I would see the world differently and assume things would happen as instantly as it did in the game and get super devo when it didn’t. I remember having conversations with people and imagining this big green diamond thing-a-ma-bob floating above their heads. Honestly that stuff seriously messed with me! 

Time passed and as I got older I stopped playing because #dancing. But also because I remember realising how much I was investing into this virtual reality game versus how much time I was actually spending with my friends, my family and most importantly, myself. So I stopped playing as much.

Fast forward 18 years and there I am talking to a friend of mine about games we used to play and how no one plays The Sims any more. 

And thats when it hit me.

Yeah they do, we all do… but it’s called something different.

Instagram.

Its like The Sims but worse because it’s real people and highly, HIGHLY addictive.

Think about it. Your instagram profile… is your SIM!

Here we are, constantly updating this virtual version of ourself and making it look appealing to the eye. Mostly sharing the awesome and good stuff. Putting out pictures of us looking happy, hot and stress free so that we get those likes up. Sharing videos of fun nights out and boomerangs of brands. Posting quotes and screaming to the world that THIS IS ME LOOK HOW GOOD MY LIFE IS! All to make this “sim”, this virtual person – good enough. We create this facade of what we think we need to be or want to be versus what we truly are. We make our lives look perfect to please a part of our ego that says “you need to be this way and do these things to be loved and approved!”

When I was younger I knew the difference between The Sims and my reality. But now, that line is blurred and for those who will never know any better, the line is pretty much non-existent. 

So heres what I want to say…

I want to remind you that your virtual version of you does not make up for, or in anyway give you substance if you are not whole and complete without it. The definition of who you are is summed by the choices that you make outside of this platform. You are blood, bones and muscles intertwined. Not an algorithm or a feed or a top liked post.

I want to remind you to work on the real stuff. Work on your communication with people, work on listening to yourself more, work on building a solid foundation of yourself that is tangible. Work on spending time with people you love, work on skills,  work on finding ways to help others, work on diving deep into yourself and figuring out who really you are, no society ideals attached. Work on going out for brunch not because the place is great for pics but because you needed a time out. Work on exploring new places not because you want to tell everyone you did but because you genuinely wanted to. Work on saving up your dollars to travel the world instead of spending it on that new hip brand so that you can be a part of the cool group.

I’m not saying stop going on Instagram. As IF! That’s never going to happen. What I am saying is know the difference. 

I want to remind that with the simple click of a button your Sim could be deleted at any second, but you can not. 

You my dear, will live on without it.

So invest wisely.

28 things that I wish someone had told me

I was tempted to make the title “28 things that I wish someone had told me-even-though-they-probably-did-but-14-year-old-me-thought-she-knew-better-so-she-ignored-them-and-then-when-she-finally-listened-she-asked-them-to-explain-it-again-and-they-probably-replied-with-“you’ll understand when you’re older”

But I didn’t.

So here you have “28 things that I wish someone had told me.”

A big thank you to ‘experience’, for being the best teacher ever.

1. You can be the juiciest, most ripest peach in the world, but there is still going to be someone out there who doesn’t like peaches.
2. It’s also none of your business if someone doesn’t like peaches. Let it go & move on.
3. “Pleasing” and “Respecting” others are two words with two very different meanings. 
   You do not need to please others, you do however, need to respect them. 
4. Life is not a movie, that doesn’t just mean the fairytale stuff – that also means the crazy dramatic stuff. Believe it or not, life can be calm, no cliff hangers necessary.
5. No one is going to do the work for you. You want to succeed? Believe in yourself
   first and foremost and then actually DO something about it.
6. No one is going to do the inner work for you either. You want bliss? Listen to your heart speak, journal, meditate, find quiet and then actually do it. 
7. Instagraming that you’re doing something is not the same as actually doing it. Stop counting likes and start counting the moments.
8. Imitation is a form of flattery. If you’re doing something good, get used to it.
9. Learn to make fear your best friend, you will be frighteningly limitless.
10. Travel. Just do it. Book that flight and GO. Your growth as a human being is more important than the numbers in your bank account.
11. Money will come and go. Don’t get so caught up on the expenses, as hard as it can be.
12. Nothing is permanent, even your body – your very cells – are changing at this exact moment.
13. You will never, ever , ever stop learning. Listen those both older AND younger than you.
14. Find the blessing in the disguise and you’ll never be defeated. Your weakness is your strength.
15. You are the only person who can give yourself what you need. No one else can do it for you.
16. What someone says of others, says more about them than it does of others.
17. It is okay to let go of people, friendships, relationships, work, past hurts, anything that makes you feel un-happy.
18. Honesty is key.
19. Patience is vital.
20. Expect nothing.
21. Appreciate everything.
22. Adore many.
23. Trust few.
24. Even then, be careful who.
25. Love yourself.
26. Love yourself.
27. Love yourself.
28. Love yourself so damn fiercely that you teach others exactly how it is done.